


I Love You

by Sulfuric_animus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Jade and Dave are getting married, John loses it at the end, M/M, Overdose, Self Harm, Wedding, suicide warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 10:46:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5372483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sulfuric_animus/pseuds/Sulfuric_animus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John was so happy, why wouldn't he be? His best friend was getting hitched! He was so happy, so FUCKING HAPPY.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Love You

I never knew how much it hurt to get your heart broken, but I realized it hurt pretty fucking bad. It hurt more than breaking a bone to see my best friend kissing my sister. I wanted to feel angry, I should feel angry, but I couldn’t. It was their wedding after all. I felt my eyes water, suddenly glad for the other teary-eyed guests that helped me blend in “It should have been me” I thought “I was the one who knew him since fourth grade, the one who helped him through his first crush and heartbreak, through his stupid depression. ME.” I saw them lean into each other, eyes glazed over with what could only be love. I shook. They whispered promises of eternal devotion and faithfulness. I trembled. Their bodies got closer and closer, lips ghosting against each other before settling into a simple chaste kiss, I could feel the scorching burn of a single tear making a track down my face, another followed after a beat. I felt so… helpless. I wanted to scream bloody murder and tell them to stop, to confess the things I had felt ever since I had met the blond. I wanted to do so many things and I couldn’t do anything and I felt so fucking useless and it hurt so BAD. I just wanted this hell to end.

Loud cheering erupted as they finished their kiss and I was tempted to scratch at my ears until they bled. I didn’t. I did however, get up and gently shove my way through the crowd and mumble something that resembled “Bathroom, be right back” to my sister, Jane. I made my way out of the large backyard where the ceremony was held and half-walked, half-ran inside the huge house that could only be described as a mansion. Going up the familiar steps, I made my way into the master bedroom and staggered into the connecting bathroom, fumbling for a while to look for the lightswitch. I found it after a moment and dragged myself inside, towards the gigantic glass mirror that had a cabinet behind it with enough medicine in it to care for a small country.   
Looking at the array of bottles to choose from with an almost medical eye, I took out a good sized selection of Restoril, Xanax, Tramadol and a fresh shaving razor and set to work. I turned on the bathtub, wincing as the sound of water hitting the cast iron echoed through the room. Once I deemed it full enough, turned off the faucet and laid down fully-clothed into the heat of the water with the bottles and freshly found razor well within reach.  
“Why didn’t you choose me?” I mumbled after downing a bottle of Xanax. “Was I not good enough?” Down went the Restoril. “I loved you, didn’t you see that?” I gagged on the last handful of pills, eyesight slightly lopsided. I brought a shaky hand toward the razor “I thought we would be together forever.” I had a vague recollection of reading something in a book that said something like “down the road, not across the street” and began pushing the razor down my inner wrist. I felt nauseous, so I threw up.

I wondered how they would think of me when they found me like this, covered in vomit and blood. Would they laugh and get on with their lives? Mourn a while then continue on? I didn’t want them to feel sad, “maybe they would want a reason” My drug infested mind filled in for me. So I lifted up a trembling arm and smudged in barely-legible writing on the wall with already-drying blood, ‘I loved him so much.’ I then unceremoniously dropped the limb, making a small splash in the filthy water. I couldn’t think after that, hell, there wasn’t much to think of besides the stunning revelation that I was dying and felt perfectly okay with that fact. It was as if my entire world was a blur, throat burning and wrists aching , but I didn’t regret a single thing. So what if someone found me? No one cared. Except Dave, Dave always cared. Would he be sad? I hoped he would be FUCKING DOWNRIGHT MISERABLE. Do you love me yet Dave? I love you. I love you with all my dying heart.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic on here so comments are welcome, was is good? Bad? Tell me! Thanks for reading :B


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